I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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