Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
