I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
