We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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