I will die if light touches me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Panties = found
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize