this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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