the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
