I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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