i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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