Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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