soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
