dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
