So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
