i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Even my vagina gasped.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize