sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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