Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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