I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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