Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize