I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize