I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Randomize