Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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