On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
