So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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