you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
