She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
