Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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