i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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