I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
