It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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