I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
