omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
