i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
