ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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