I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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