i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Still dying that you shit outside
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
