they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
