Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
