Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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