i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
