So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize