the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
