1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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