Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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