Non-Jews are for practice
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
