turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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