What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
