She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
