I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You can't motorboat a personality
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
