chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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