I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
