so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
