Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
