I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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