That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
