Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
