real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize