I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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