I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
