hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
there is glitter all over my balls
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