Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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