Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
