whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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