My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
