filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize