Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
