In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
